It is very rare for the House of Commons to go completely quiet. But today: no whispers, no rustles of order papers, no coughs and no shuffling of feet greeted the Prime Minister as he entered the chamber. Whilst the strain of his recent illness and the weight of Covid19 Cobra meetings were etched into his boyish face, he looked serious and yet strangely elated.
Rumours had been whisking themselves around the Palace of Westminster for several hours now resulting in a froth of confusion, speculation and even palpable fear. Everyone knew he was going to say something extraordinary and unprecedented but no one knew what. Not even the lobby correspondents who expected to be given a heads up. They were all sulking in a nook somewhere.
People had spoken of extremely secret meetings, objects being thrown and measures that you only expect to see in the Kremlin. Were there really hidden tunnels in Westminster?
The Prime Minister sat down. It wasn't long before the Speaker invited him to give a statement. He nodded, drew breath and stood up. He spent a few moments looking around the chamber and, smiling, glanced upwards to the woman carrying his child.
"As you all know, at the beginning of April I was extremely ill with the dreaded virus. I am grateful beyond words to have received life saving treatment from some of the most dedicated, professional and caring clinicians that I have ever met. And I know there are thousands and thousands of such people working hard, the length and breadth of this country, tending to all the people who are suffering with this disease. Let me put on record again: their commitment, their sacrifice, and indeed their love will never be forgotten by me or probably any of us. Thank you a million times. And a trillion times more.
"When one stares Death in the face, it changes one. And it has changed me. I have had to reevaluate much, maybe even all, that I have believed in until now. And I don't just mean superficial ideas about policies and programmes. I mean my most deeply held values and principles. And I have realised I have been wrong about most of them.
"Like many of my generation I was brought up to believe in the positive power of private enterprise. I still think that, but I have also noted that the huge corporations of the world have sought solace, help and of course money from the governments of the world. And by government money, I mean the money that people have contributed in hard earned taxes. I have noted that the world is really just one place and we humans, just one biology. Covid19 does not recognise borders. And it is with great fortune that across the world, scientists are collaborating to find medical and sociological solutions to the crisis we are in. Never say for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.
"And I have observed how some of the least valued people in our society (and by that I mean the lowest paid) have been the ones who have stepped up and shown themselves to be the most essential, the most brave and the most caring of all of us. Obviously this includes the staff, all the staff, of the NHS but also our cleaners, our refuse collectors, our social workers, our care home carers, our bus drivers, our checkout assistants, our park keepers, our police and so forth. Why has it taken until now for us to really value such people? Moreover, why has it taken me until now to really value such people. I am deeply ashamed and sorry for all the things I have done and not done, that have in so many ways not truly respected and deeply valued everyone's contributions to the smooth and healthy running of our society. And there have been many such things.
"I know I have said things where I have tried to give the impression that I cared. But I didn't, I really didn't. But I do now.
"And so as a consequence of all this thinking, I have decided that I simply cannot remain leader of the Conservative Party. Indeed, I cannot continue being a member at all. My values and principles just don't fit anymore. Many know that my hero, Sir Winston Churchill changed parties. I intend to follow in his footsteps, albeit in the opposite political direction."
And with that last statement, Boris Johnson put down his papers and crossed the House of Commons to the Opposition benches where he purposely sat next to Jeremy Corbyn. They smiled and shook hands.
The House of Commons was silent once more as everyone paused to reflect on what had just happened.
__________
This is of course, a work of fantasy. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.
